Boys...

So here I am, the boys are up, dressed and fed and why am I avoiding them?   I have left them to their own devices of play while I drink my tea and share my morning using this blog.  Okay, so let's be honest, I am running away from my children before I lose my mind at Nolan.

Nolan is our challenge.  I love him to pieces, he is a bright, intelligent, funny, imaginative kid who really can be a lot of fun.  BUT he can also be a lot of work.  I am at a loss of how to parent him right now.  I need better strategies with how to keep my patience and keep positive.  Any help or suggestions are welcomed - actually this is a cry out for help - please!!

My first challenge with Nolan is to get him to keep his hands to himself.  Fortunately right now the bulk of his punishment is taken out on Ethan or on Isaac or myself, but I am worried this will transfer to other kids.  Nolan and Ethan will be playing or having fun and next thing I know he is pinching, scratching or grabbing Ethan.  Sometimes I know it is out of frustration - he does not have the verbal skills to express what he wants.  Sometimes he is trying to initiate play with Ethan and again does not use the verbal skills to express it.  Other times it is completely random - those I refer to as drive by punishments;  he will run by Ethan, grab or pinch him on the way. 

We have tried the "stop start" method of trying to redirect Nolan to a new game.  Stop pinching, play ...  We have tried giving him the words for what he maybe trying to express - "Ethan do you want to play?"  We have tried time-outs, big hugs, labelling the play as mean play.  The bulk of my frustration is how often we are doing this and how some days it feels like I am always "on" Nolan's case regarding behaviour.

The next challenge we have with Nolan is his destructive play.  Again I think a lot of this comes from his frustration of not being able to accurately express his emotions, but sometimes it seems like it is random or a punishment for his brother.  Nolan will throw things - anything in his path when he is frustrated or angry.  We again have been trying to label his emotions for him to help him be able to verbally express his feelings.  We have also tried the time-outs, the stop start etc...  The throwing when angry or frustrated is manageable, it is more the random destruction that I get frustrated with.  An example is this morning Nolan and Ethan were playing nicely together.  Nolan stopped playing went and did his own thing, then came back to the game and without any rhyme or reason completely attacked the game by kicking pieces all over the place. 

How much of this is boy behaviour, how much of this is due to his own hearing/speech troubles?  I know he is socially immature - but he is only 3, how much of this will disappear as he matures and becomes more verbal?  We as parents are very cognisant of ensuring we give each kid lots of attention.  We kid that Nolan needs one on one parenting, but really he does some days and most of those days we are able to give it to him.  I am not convinced that this is due to lack of attention or activity.  Some days we know it is because he is tired, hungry or bored.  We know he is a physical kid who needs a lot of physical play - we meet those needs as a family. 

I am just at a loss of how to stop the undesirable behaviour, or perhaps in need of some more redirection strategies.  Maybe I just need to hear that others are going through this struggle too and know it will come to an end.