A friend of mine posted a video that reminded me to slow down and drink in life and what it has to offer. A quote from the video is, "life is not an emergency". This rang home to me. Being on maternity leave I am finding myself with more time to reflect and drink in these moments. I catch myself wondering where the last few years slipped away to.
On the weekend I was speaking with a friend of mine who just had her fourth child. Her baby was born a week later than Sage. My friend knows this is the last baby she will have, and admitted to me how she secretly wishes she could keep the baby a baby forever. For us it feels right that Sage is our last child and I am wanting to savour every cuddle and moment. I know these moments are fleeting.
It is funny I never have defined myself as a "baby" person. In my twenties I had said I never wanted kids! Now I have three kids of my own and I would not change a thing.
When Ethan was a baby I remember enjoying the stage, but always looking forward to the next stage. Nolan came along and at the time we thought our family was complete - but really we were kidding ourselves and were denying the feelings of wanting another child. With Nolan I remember trying to savour the moments but often found myself caught up in life. It seemed every time I turned around he was growing bigger.
That said I am loving watching them grow. The boys each have their own unique personality that keeps us laughing and crying! I am honoured to be able to watch them navigate life. I am trying to not think about how the future will unfold, but instead live life in the now.
I do have one regret; that is my extended family are not able to share this with us. Both Isaac and I live quite a distance from our families, by distance I mean three days of non-stop driving distance. Work brought us here and work keeps us here. Not to mention that we have made a life for ourselves in the community we live in and now that the boys have started school, the roots are growing deeper.
This morning I spoke with my father. He had asked if I would travel out to see him so he could meet Sage. I have been struggling with this very thought for sometime now. You see my father can not travel as he is a dialysis patient. He is also aging, which makes my desire to see him that much more great. I had researched flights home for just me and the kids, along with a vehicle rental and the cost was the amount some use a down payment on a house! I have been tossing around the idea of driving with the kids, but again I would be solo as Isaac can not get the extra time off work. This morning my Dad asked if I would consider driving.
So what do I do? Do I take three weeks to drive out east with three kids and hauling our tent trailer? Would I be insane or just practical? I would like to think that when I am in my 70's that my kids would go the distance to see me. I am not sure if I am brave or capable of managing this. Part of me has this vision of traveling with the kids exploring the country while winding our way east. The other part of me has a vision of me feeling completely overwhelmed and exhausted. I am also feeling the strong pull to take the kids home to see Grand-dad.
What would you do?
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