Confessions of a parent

I find it interesting how our parenting styles change.  Before I had kids I was pretty sure of what I would allow and not allow my future children to do.  I also thought I knew exactly how the were going to behave in any situation as they were going to be my ideal children...  Since having kids, I realize how naive I was.  Ideal children do not exist.  Some days it is all about getting through the day and fighting only the worthwhile fights.

I struggle with those who have a desire to compete with their child's attributes.  From what percentile the kid falls into for growth, what milestone was achieved, what sport are they taking, what activities are they doing and the achievements made.  I have no trouble with celebrating these things, I just struggle when it becomes a chance for that parent to use this to compete.

The other night Nolan had soccer.  During the practice portion he did not want to participate.  Instead he rather play with his Dad, who has been working more than usual lately.  During the game we were able to convince him to come out onto the field and at least hold my hand to chase the ball.  Nolan then graduated to holding the coaches hand and actually played the game even if for a short time.  This was huge for him.  For some kids the game of soccer can be intimidating.  A swarm of strange kids running at you to chase a ball can be too much.  I celebrate that Nolan got out there and played for a little bit without the security of Mom or Dad.  I know there were parents there tsk tsking on the sidelines about our choice to put Nolan into soccer, but for Nolan it is the right choice, to help increase his socialization and push his comfort zone.

Because everyone has different parenting styles, some issues can become so controversial.  I have a confession, we as a family CO-SLEEP.  Yep, I said it...  When Ethan was born, we used all the "right" methods for trying to get him to sleep.  We tried the shushing and crying methods, but all that happened was it created a house of exhausted and frustrated parents.  Finally the lazy-boy chair became my friend as that was a place both Ethan and I could get some rest.  With Nolan we started out with him sleeping in his crib but as time progressed that dissolved as the need for sleep increased.  He never slept longer than 2 hours at a stretch and chasing a toddler during the day meant I needed sleep.  When he slept with me, I could get him to sleep at least 3 hours in a row.  With Sage, she has been sleeping beside me since day one.  She only wakes once a night (usually) and her nursing is done quickly allowing us both to return to sleep quickly.   For me this means I get some precious sleep.

We still have the occasional visitor in the night.  Usually when one is growing and having growing pains, one is sick or if one had a nightmare.  They will tuck in beside one of us and return to slumber quickly.  For us this choice is one out of the need for sleep and is one that feels right for us as a family.  I personally enjoy the cuddles and closeness we get to experience as a family.  I also enjoy that both Isaac and I are able to function the next day.  Does this mean this method is right for everyone?  Of course not!  It is what we as a family have decided what is right for us. 

It is like the multitude of parenting books out there all selling that they have the answer for how to raise perfect kids, or solution for behaviours.  I am currently reading one regarding infant massage and the science behind it.  Quite frankly some of these books increase your guilt as a parent.  The current book states that if you do not respond quickly every time your baby cries, your baby's brain will not develop compassion.  Seriously?  I call bollocks to that one and yet a small part of me thinks about this as Sage cries and I can not respond right away as I am getting the boys into the car so I can take them to school.

All in all  I feel sorry for any new parent, it can be a tough road finding your parenting style.  I know for our family it is a work in progress.  I can say with pride that I no longer worry about what others think and do what is right for our family.