A friend of mine posted a video that reminded me to slow down and drink in life and what it has to offer. A quote from the video is, "life is not an emergency". This rang home to me. Being on maternity leave I am finding myself with more time to reflect and drink in these moments. I catch myself wondering where the last few years slipped away to.
On the weekend I was speaking with a friend of mine who just had her fourth child. Her baby was born a week later than Sage. My friend knows this is the last baby she will have, and admitted to me how she secretly wishes she could keep the baby a baby forever. For us it feels right that Sage is our last child and I am wanting to savour every cuddle and moment. I know these moments are fleeting.
It is funny I never have defined myself as a "baby" person. In my twenties I had said I never wanted kids! Now I have three kids of my own and I would not change a thing.
When Ethan was a baby I remember enjoying the stage, but always looking forward to the next stage. Nolan came along and at the time we thought our family was complete - but really we were kidding ourselves and were denying the feelings of wanting another child. With Nolan I remember trying to savour the moments but often found myself caught up in life. It seemed every time I turned around he was growing bigger.
That said I am loving watching them grow. The boys each have their own unique personality that keeps us laughing and crying! I am honoured to be able to watch them navigate life. I am trying to not think about how the future will unfold, but instead live life in the now.
I do have one regret; that is my extended family are not able to share this with us. Both Isaac and I live quite a distance from our families, by distance I mean three days of non-stop driving distance. Work brought us here and work keeps us here. Not to mention that we have made a life for ourselves in the community we live in and now that the boys have started school, the roots are growing deeper.
This morning I spoke with my father. He had asked if I would travel out to see him so he could meet Sage. I have been struggling with this very thought for sometime now. You see my father can not travel as he is a dialysis patient. He is also aging, which makes my desire to see him that much more great. I had researched flights home for just me and the kids, along with a vehicle rental and the cost was the amount some use a down payment on a house! I have been tossing around the idea of driving with the kids, but again I would be solo as Isaac can not get the extra time off work. This morning my Dad asked if I would consider driving.
So what do I do? Do I take three weeks to drive out east with three kids and hauling our tent trailer? Would I be insane or just practical? I would like to think that when I am in my 70's that my kids would go the distance to see me. I am not sure if I am brave or capable of managing this. Part of me has this vision of traveling with the kids exploring the country while winding our way east. The other part of me has a vision of me feeling completely overwhelmed and exhausted. I am also feeling the strong pull to take the kids home to see Grand-dad.
What would you do?
Monday, 30 May 2011
Sunday, 29 May 2011
"To grow something wild..."
So it is that time of year again. The time of year where I try my hand at gardening. I have a strong desire to grow a bountiful garden and yet my visions never match with what actually happens. Last year the boys "helped" rearrange the garden several times - successfully killing all the plants. The only survivors of the re-gardening were the pea plants, which then fell victim to the field mice. This year we have fencing around the garden and have hopefully dealt with the mouse issue.
Ethan and I trucked off to buy some more dirt to fill up the garden and purchase our plants. I had already bought some seeds to plant. My little farmer was quite cute at the store. The boy who was helping load the dirt into the van was quizzed as to his age, and what he had planted this year. The poor seventeen year old boy tried to explain that he had not planted anything but his mother had. To which Ethan looked at him and asked why he did not help. Ethan then told him we were planting spinach (lettuce) beets and carrots.
The next stop was the greenhouse. Ethan's school had made a field trip to this greenhouse just before Mother's day. Each kid potted their own strawberry plant to take home and give as a Mother's day gift. Mine has been out on our back deck thriving.
At the greenhouse Ethan gave me a tour similar to the one he had received. This included showing me where the staff have their coffee breaks. We wandered around looking for "food plants" that we could grow in our garden. On the way out I got to see the poster his class made with the pictures of the kids visit to the store.
Home again to plant with my little helper. We tilled the garden, planted the seeds and plants and watered. Now I have an Ethan inspired veggie garden complete with pumpkin, cucumber, carrots, lettuce, beets, celery, strawberries and a few herbs. If you have seen my garden you will know that this is a lot for a small space! Hopefully there will be little rearranging and some crops will survive...
Now the garden in my front yard, that one is going to be filled with flowers. I again have a great vision of how I would like it to look, but honestly have bad luck growing flowers. This year I am hoping to have a secret weapon - Isaac's sister is showing up for a visit tomorrow. This woman is AMAZING with plants. I am going to take her to the greenhouse and set her free! I am hoping to learn a thing or two about what plants to pick and what will work best in my garden that is low maintenance and spreads...
I am excited about Wendy's visit and a bit nervous for her at the same time. I worry that my boys will drive her a bit batty. Wendy does not have any kids of her own, so I can only imagine what a shock walking into our chaos will be like. She is coming to offer some help, for which I am grateful for!!
Isaac has just turned on the sprinkler and the boys have stripped off all clothing and are chasing each other around the yard. This is what Wendy is in for...
Ethan and I trucked off to buy some more dirt to fill up the garden and purchase our plants. I had already bought some seeds to plant. My little farmer was quite cute at the store. The boy who was helping load the dirt into the van was quizzed as to his age, and what he had planted this year. The poor seventeen year old boy tried to explain that he had not planted anything but his mother had. To which Ethan looked at him and asked why he did not help. Ethan then told him we were planting spinach (lettuce) beets and carrots.
The next stop was the greenhouse. Ethan's school had made a field trip to this greenhouse just before Mother's day. Each kid potted their own strawberry plant to take home and give as a Mother's day gift. Mine has been out on our back deck thriving.
At the greenhouse Ethan gave me a tour similar to the one he had received. This included showing me where the staff have their coffee breaks. We wandered around looking for "food plants" that we could grow in our garden. On the way out I got to see the poster his class made with the pictures of the kids visit to the store.
Home again to plant with my little helper. We tilled the garden, planted the seeds and plants and watered. Now I have an Ethan inspired veggie garden complete with pumpkin, cucumber, carrots, lettuce, beets, celery, strawberries and a few herbs. If you have seen my garden you will know that this is a lot for a small space! Hopefully there will be little rearranging and some crops will survive...
Now the garden in my front yard, that one is going to be filled with flowers. I again have a great vision of how I would like it to look, but honestly have bad luck growing flowers. This year I am hoping to have a secret weapon - Isaac's sister is showing up for a visit tomorrow. This woman is AMAZING with plants. I am going to take her to the greenhouse and set her free! I am hoping to learn a thing or two about what plants to pick and what will work best in my garden that is low maintenance and spreads...
I am excited about Wendy's visit and a bit nervous for her at the same time. I worry that my boys will drive her a bit batty. Wendy does not have any kids of her own, so I can only imagine what a shock walking into our chaos will be like. She is coming to offer some help, for which I am grateful for!!
Isaac has just turned on the sprinkler and the boys have stripped off all clothing and are chasing each other around the yard. This is what Wendy is in for...
Saturday, 28 May 2011
Confessions of a parent
I find it interesting how our parenting styles change. Before I had kids I was pretty sure of what I would allow and not allow my future children to do. I also thought I knew exactly how the were going to behave in any situation as they were going to be my ideal children... Since having kids, I realize how naive I was. Ideal children do not exist. Some days it is all about getting through the day and fighting only the worthwhile fights.
I struggle with those who have a desire to compete with their child's attributes. From what percentile the kid falls into for growth, what milestone was achieved, what sport are they taking, what activities are they doing and the achievements made. I have no trouble with celebrating these things, I just struggle when it becomes a chance for that parent to use this to compete.
The other night Nolan had soccer. During the practice portion he did not want to participate. Instead he rather play with his Dad, who has been working more than usual lately. During the game we were able to convince him to come out onto the field and at least hold my hand to chase the ball. Nolan then graduated to holding the coaches hand and actually played the game even if for a short time. This was huge for him. For some kids the game of soccer can be intimidating. A swarm of strange kids running at you to chase a ball can be too much. I celebrate that Nolan got out there and played for a little bit without the security of Mom or Dad. I know there were parents there tsk tsking on the sidelines about our choice to put Nolan into soccer, but for Nolan it is the right choice, to help increase his socialization and push his comfort zone.
Because everyone has different parenting styles, some issues can become so controversial. I have a confession, we as a family CO-SLEEP. Yep, I said it... When Ethan was born, we used all the "right" methods for trying to get him to sleep. We tried the shushing and crying methods, but all that happened was it created a house of exhausted and frustrated parents. Finally the lazy-boy chair became my friend as that was a place both Ethan and I could get some rest. With Nolan we started out with him sleeping in his crib but as time progressed that dissolved as the need for sleep increased. He never slept longer than 2 hours at a stretch and chasing a toddler during the day meant I needed sleep. When he slept with me, I could get him to sleep at least 3 hours in a row. With Sage, she has been sleeping beside me since day one. She only wakes once a night (usually) and her nursing is done quickly allowing us both to return to sleep quickly. For me this means I get some precious sleep.
We still have the occasional visitor in the night. Usually when one is growing and having growing pains, one is sick or if one had a nightmare. They will tuck in beside one of us and return to slumber quickly. For us this choice is one out of the need for sleep and is one that feels right for us as a family. I personally enjoy the cuddles and closeness we get to experience as a family. I also enjoy that both Isaac and I are able to function the next day. Does this mean this method is right for everyone? Of course not! It is what we as a family have decided what is right for us.
It is like the multitude of parenting books out there all selling that they have the answer for how to raise perfect kids, or solution for behaviours. I am currently reading one regarding infant massage and the science behind it. Quite frankly some of these books increase your guilt as a parent. The current book states that if you do not respond quickly every time your baby cries, your baby's brain will not develop compassion. Seriously? I call bollocks to that one and yet a small part of me thinks about this as Sage cries and I can not respond right away as I am getting the boys into the car so I can take them to school.
All in all I feel sorry for any new parent, it can be a tough road finding your parenting style. I know for our family it is a work in progress. I can say with pride that I no longer worry about what others think and do what is right for our family.
I struggle with those who have a desire to compete with their child's attributes. From what percentile the kid falls into for growth, what milestone was achieved, what sport are they taking, what activities are they doing and the achievements made. I have no trouble with celebrating these things, I just struggle when it becomes a chance for that parent to use this to compete.
The other night Nolan had soccer. During the practice portion he did not want to participate. Instead he rather play with his Dad, who has been working more than usual lately. During the game we were able to convince him to come out onto the field and at least hold my hand to chase the ball. Nolan then graduated to holding the coaches hand and actually played the game even if for a short time. This was huge for him. For some kids the game of soccer can be intimidating. A swarm of strange kids running at you to chase a ball can be too much. I celebrate that Nolan got out there and played for a little bit without the security of Mom or Dad. I know there were parents there tsk tsking on the sidelines about our choice to put Nolan into soccer, but for Nolan it is the right choice, to help increase his socialization and push his comfort zone.
Because everyone has different parenting styles, some issues can become so controversial. I have a confession, we as a family CO-SLEEP. Yep, I said it... When Ethan was born, we used all the "right" methods for trying to get him to sleep. We tried the shushing and crying methods, but all that happened was it created a house of exhausted and frustrated parents. Finally the lazy-boy chair became my friend as that was a place both Ethan and I could get some rest. With Nolan we started out with him sleeping in his crib but as time progressed that dissolved as the need for sleep increased. He never slept longer than 2 hours at a stretch and chasing a toddler during the day meant I needed sleep. When he slept with me, I could get him to sleep at least 3 hours in a row. With Sage, she has been sleeping beside me since day one. She only wakes once a night (usually) and her nursing is done quickly allowing us both to return to sleep quickly. For me this means I get some precious sleep.
We still have the occasional visitor in the night. Usually when one is growing and having growing pains, one is sick or if one had a nightmare. They will tuck in beside one of us and return to slumber quickly. For us this choice is one out of the need for sleep and is one that feels right for us as a family. I personally enjoy the cuddles and closeness we get to experience as a family. I also enjoy that both Isaac and I are able to function the next day. Does this mean this method is right for everyone? Of course not! It is what we as a family have decided what is right for us.
It is like the multitude of parenting books out there all selling that they have the answer for how to raise perfect kids, or solution for behaviours. I am currently reading one regarding infant massage and the science behind it. Quite frankly some of these books increase your guilt as a parent. The current book states that if you do not respond quickly every time your baby cries, your baby's brain will not develop compassion. Seriously? I call bollocks to that one and yet a small part of me thinks about this as Sage cries and I can not respond right away as I am getting the boys into the car so I can take them to school.
All in all I feel sorry for any new parent, it can be a tough road finding your parenting style. I know for our family it is a work in progress. I can say with pride that I no longer worry about what others think and do what is right for our family.
Thursday, 26 May 2011
Dear diary...
I am not too sure why I am starting this blog, perhaps it is the "extra" time I find myself having while I sit and feed Sage. Maybe it is my own desire to have my thoughts validated by some random person. Do you ever notice that blogs are like the diary that you had as a kid? The cheap lock that held the book together and the threat you gave your sibling if they ever opened it or read it, and yet you knew they did. Or at least that was the way things were in my house.
Yesterday I took Sage for her six week check-up. I found out that she has gained four pounds and has grown four inches. I had a moment when I felt like I am woman! I marvel at how she is gaining all her nutrition from me. Both boys gave me trouble with breastfeeding, I always had to supplement with formula to satisfy their hunger. It is rather a neat feeling not have to go through the same process with Sage.
Ever notice how there is a direct relationship with how much time spent outside and how much energy kids have? Ethan had school all day yesterday which means when he gets home he is wired for sound! We try to spend time right after school playing outside before we start our evening routine. Yesterday we played street hockey. It is hilarious how Ethan tries to skew the rules to suit his needs. Our game had rules similar to hockey or soccer, it all depended on what gave Ethan the better advantage. The coolest part was watching how Ethan included Nolan and gave him a turn at firing the puck at Mom. It is great to watch them play together even if it is to gang up on me!
Yesterday I took Sage for her six week check-up. I found out that she has gained four pounds and has grown four inches. I had a moment when I felt like I am woman! I marvel at how she is gaining all her nutrition from me. Both boys gave me trouble with breastfeeding, I always had to supplement with formula to satisfy their hunger. It is rather a neat feeling not have to go through the same process with Sage.
Ever notice how there is a direct relationship with how much time spent outside and how much energy kids have? Ethan had school all day yesterday which means when he gets home he is wired for sound! We try to spend time right after school playing outside before we start our evening routine. Yesterday we played street hockey. It is hilarious how Ethan tries to skew the rules to suit his needs. Our game had rules similar to hockey or soccer, it all depended on what gave Ethan the better advantage. The coolest part was watching how Ethan included Nolan and gave him a turn at firing the puck at Mom. It is great to watch them play together even if it is to gang up on me!
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