Sleep the five letter word!

Ahhhh... sleep...  These days I am in desperate need of it.  I have a baby who is going through a growth spurt, or teething or something, which means she has been quite fussy through the night.  I have been enjoying the cuddling and time together we have spent, but am very foggy the next day.  To add to the mix I have one son with a stuffy nose which means he does not sleep soundly and the other also going through a growth spurt, which means he wakes in the middle of the night announcing he has to pee or suffering from growing pains.

It is amazing how much of my thoughts these days are focused on sleep.  I catch myself daydreaming about the days end when I will be able to pull the covers up around me and sink into my pillows.  I find if I am stationary too long I am starting to list to the side or forward sinking into a cat nap.  If driving, I am needing to do anything to keep myself focused on what is around me.  My quest for sleep seems to be all consuming.

It is funny but the main source of any tension that will arise in our house involves sleep.  Arguments will start about who is getting more sleep or not enough.  Disagreements usually happen when one or both of us are tired.  We know to give the other more grace when that person is tired and to sidestep (if possible) any major issues until the other has had at least some more sleep. 

Don't get me wrong, Isaac is a full partner in our relationship and does his fair share of getting up with the kids in the middle of the night, of course this does not include the baby yet as she still only nurses, but Isaac has an amazing ability to sleep through sounds or fall back asleep instantly.  This is something I am not capable of - if a mouse were to fart in our house, it would wake me up.  I also have a horrible time of falling back to sleep if I am woken in the morning.  This translates to me not sleeping in very often and that tends to be a source of tension - or really me being frustrated but nothing that can change because of my own inability to block out the world.  In my Utopian world I would be blissfully in a comatose state when the kids would sneak into the room and whisper in Isaac's ear to wake-up.  Then Isaac would slide out of bed and float out of the room making not a sound.  Isaac then would create a sound proof bubble in which he would feed the kids and keep them entertained until I decided to roll out of bed.  Well that sound proof bubble has yet to be invented and our kids are anything but quiet in the morning, so I will continue to get up in the morning with the kids.

I will confess that I am that cranky bear if I have not had enough sleep.  I find myself not smiling as much at people I meet, or all together avoiding people.  I find my patience is limited, I am easily frustrated with the kids.  Internally I feel awful - this is not really me and boy what a bag was being!  I guess I would rather crawl under a rock but instead am being dragged forward by the movement of life.  It is a horrible feeling!

I remember a life time ago when I was a lot younger and pursuing a different vocation, I had taken a course that was physically and mentally intense.  Elements of the course involved functioning on very little sleep for days on end.  During that course about the second week into it, I found myself actually hallucinating due to sleep deprivation.  I saw a huge life sized mouse that was wearing a sombrero and poncho.  The scariest was when the mouse spoke to me, he said, "What are you doing here?  Go back to the south where it is safe?"  It is amazing, but now as a parent I know I am functioning on less sleep but function way better than I did in my early twenties. 

The biggest comfort is knowing that this stage in our lives will pass.  The kids will eventually sleep through the night, midnight wakings will be rare, then teen years will hit then it will be staying up to the middle of the night.  I keep joking with Isaac that when the kids no longer keep us awake or wake us up in the night, our bodies will be failing and we will be up anyways!