Chasing bubbles

I have been lamenting lately about how time is passing so quickly; it is being marked by changes in our kids.  I will be honest, I feel like a kid playing with bubbles.  If you watch kids playing with bubbles, you will notice they tend to run after the bubbles trying to catch them in their hands.  If they are lucky enough to catch one it will generally pop in a short amount of time.  That is how I am feeling about life right now.  I feel like my kids are the bubbles and the wind is time pushing them forward.  It is leaving me running a crooked race trying to catch the bubbles to savour the moments.

Sage is going through a growth spurt right now, this translates to her eating every two hours.  I feel like I am living life through hazed filled glasses.  As I struggle to keep my eyes open during the middle of night nursings, I recall I went through this with both boys.  I catch myself thinking that it feels like it was yesterday I was holding Ethan this way nursing him.  Now he hardly fits in my lap anymore.  So even though I am exhausted, I am trying to savour these special moments with Sage.

Ethan just finished his kindergarten year.  To mark the end of the year, they had a small celebration.  It was quite cute to see.  Ethan is very proud to be going into grade one.  His Mom on the other hand...  Okay so I will admit it.  I had no troubles seeing him off to Kindergarten - it was only two or three days a week.  I cried a bit when he pushed me away and told me he was taking the bus, but that did not last long as it was much faster for the Mom taxi to pick him up.  But now this grade one business really has me wound-up.  I think it is partially because of the growth and change I have seen in Ethan in the last little bit.  He is maturing into a young boy - complete with potty humour...  Perhaps it is because I felt this past year went so quick, that before I know it he will be heading into junior high, high school, university etc...  Or is it because this is my first kid to hit this stage?  If I am a mess with Ethan, what is going to happen with Nolan and then Sage?  I guess I better stock-up their therapy funds... 

Nolan finishes his school this week.  Because he attends both the three and four year old preschool, he gets to have two celebrations of learning.  I am just amazed to see how far he has come in the past seven months.  All the trouble he has had with speech is practically gone - on his terms.  Nolan has really enjoyed attending school, and has soaked in all that the teacher had to offer.  The other day we were out playing in our yard and a bird flew over.  Nolan pointed up at it and said, "Look a duck!"  I replied that it was a seagull rather than a duck.  Nolan then looked at me and started SPELLING "seagull".  He used the actions for each letter and I gave him the letter "e" but other than that he spelled it correctly.  It completely shocked me!  Here is a kid who barely spoke seven months ago who can spell?!  Yep - that's totally Nolan - everything on his terms and his way.  He keeps me laughing, smiling and wanting to pull my hair out all at the same time.

Well onto summer vacation.  Gearing up for our big trek down to the Oregon coast with our tent trailer.  I can hardly wait to walk the beaches, explore tide pools and feel the surf of the ocean on my legs.  I plan to plunk down on a section of the beach and build sandcastles with the kids and enjoy the time as a family.  I will ensure I bring some bubbles to chase...

Rain, rain and more rain...

Anyone living in the province of Alberta has been enjoying a lot of rain lately.  This means the grass is growing longer and some creativity is needed with planning activities for the kids.

This past weekend I took the boys camping with another family.  The day that we arrived and set-up the tent trailer, it was sunny and warm - full of promise for a great weekend.  The boys were excited to be out camping.  The site was great, it was set right across from the beach and playground.  Unfortunately the weather did not stay so sunny and bright.  This left us seeking alternative activities for the kids.  The neat part was it allowed us to explore a different city and what it has to offer.  We got to experience the swimming pool in Red Deer and took in the Sports Hall of Fame.  Both really neat venues that the kids had a lot of fun at. 

The other family had brought walkie-talkies.  Ethan had one and their oldest son had the other one.  While driving to Red Deer the boys were communicating between the two vehicles.  If you want a good laugh, give two five-year-olds walkie-talkies.  Directions were being relayed - a few minutes past the turn-offs, frustrations were being shared about how long their respective mothers were taking with preparations to leave, and details of the trip - cows that were being passed, trees, lakes the usual.  Later, the boys then played hide-and-go-seek using the radios.  One would hide behind a trailer taunting the other to come and find them.  It was hilarious to watch and to listen to.

The next day it was time to pack-up and head home.  Packing a tent trailer - let me correct that, a soggy wet tent trailer is an exercise in organization.  I am grateful that I have easy kids; it really helps with the process.  That said, it is still a lot of work and involves timing to ensure the kids are fed, more specifically Sage is fed and ready to travel.  Sage is still eating every two hours during the day.  I began to get nervous about my trip this summer back to Ontario with just me and the kids.  I worry that it will be a lot of work, leaving me exhausted at the end of it all.  Fortunately, this prompted me to re-investigate flights and found the cost had gone down substantially.  I was able to purchase some tickets for about the same as what it would have cost to drive. My sister-in-law whom is an employee for Air Canada, was able to find family tickets with even better prices.  I gratefully accepted this help!  I am somewhat relieved by this.  I think I will be able to enjoy the trip more when I am not as exhausted. 

Speaking of tired...  I am not sure if it is the weather or if it is just the way life is right now, but I can not seem to get out of this funk of feeling tired.  Sage is still only waking about once a night and I am getting way more sleep than I did during pregnancy, but I still feel tired to the core.  Coffee is my friend these days.  A friend of mine graced me with a treat of strong ground coffee left on my doorstep.  I have been enjoying each cup for its caffeine but also for the thoughtfulness of the gift.

I am very grateful for the friends I have made in this community. I could not imagine life with out their support or friendship.  Isaac will often tease me and say I belong to the "Mom network" as we all will help each other out in a time of need.  I think the Mom network is a great thing to have and honoured to be a part of it.  The funniest part is how it brings people together.  Every Mom that I know, knows different Moms, thus expanding the network.  Not that I have ever verbalized this to anyone other than Isaac, nor is this a secret club or clique.  In my life I have been fortunate enough to meet some really great people, some with and some without kids, and we all support and encourage each other. No person should live in isolation, especially when trying to raise a family! 

Restless

It has been a while since I have posted anything.  It is not due to the lack of writing, but rather due to the lack of finishing what I have been writing.  I have number of posts saved but have not felt that they were complete thoughts or musings and have abandoned them.

I feel restless today.  I feel like there is about to be a change or a shift in our family and I am eagerly waiting to see what unfolds.  I am a person who enjoys change.  It brings new challenges and new perspectives, and allows me to grow further as a person. 

It is funny, I used to seek out change in the form of moving; I call it itchy feet.  I enjoyed moving to different communities, meeting new people and exploring the new surroundings.  That all changed when we moved to our current town.  I finally have found a place that I feel is home.  The other day my husband returned home from a course he was teaching and told me that he was asked to apply to work there full-time.  My heart sank...  I do not want to move.  I finally found a place to call home and do not feel the call or desire to leave.  Especially now since the kids have started school.  I know Isaac supports this, but on a level I also understand his desire to advance or move within his career.  Isaac has said that this is the best place for us as a family, but I am wondering if perhaps he still has a bit of itchy feet...

So I know the change is not us moving, but I can feel that something is going to happen or shift within our family. 

Perhaps it is the summer.  The wrap-up of school, the end of soccer season and the impending holidays.  I have decided to drive home to Ontario to see family.  I am nervous about the trip but also excited about the adventure.  This means that our summer is now pretty much "booked".  I find myself wanting to cling to every moment and savour the time we will have together as a family.  I am looking forward to the month we will take to explore the coast as a complete family.  It will be great to reconnect with Isaac as life has been so hectic with his work lately.   

I have been thinking a lot about family these days.  It is incredible how quickly the kids are growing.  I find myself wanting to drink in each moment of their lives as I feel that time is speeding by.  Do you remember the long summer days you had as a kid?  The summer months felt like the lasted forever.  I remember wanting to get back to school as the summer felt so long.  Did our parents feel that these months were too short like I do today?  Does time speed up as you get older or is it the result of our fast forward society?

Ethan went on his first major field trip today.  He went to the zoo in Edmonton.  I felt nervous that it was such a distance away from me.  I did not expect to feel that way, it took me by surprise.  We want to raise our kids to have independence and to have them explore the world around them.  I was surprised that I felt unsettled about him taking a trip an hour away from me. 

Both Isaac and I are not keen on taking trips without our kids,  Perhaps it would be different if we had family closer, but we both rather take a vacation as a whole family than the just the two of us.  We have no troubles with going out and leaving the kids with a babysitter but not a great distance or overnight.  I have troubles with taking a flight away from the kids.  I admire those who can do it, but I know for myself I could never fully relax on a trip being so far away from the kids.  I morbidly can not help but to think about what would happen if... Maybe it is because I lost a parent at a young age that I am so protective of the kids and want to keep them close.

The tricky balance of keeping your kids close but allowing independence and growth.... 

For the love of sport...

This has been a busy soccer week.  On Saturday Ethan had his mini-tournament, it consisted of two games, Monday was Nolan's game and then Ethan had his normal game again last night. 

I really enjoy watching and playing with the kids as they learn this sport.  It is great to see that some kids have a better sense of fair play than some adults I know.  Some kids are more apt to yield the ball to the other team in order to give them a turn. Other kids are pretty eager to play and have some pretty good foot work.

I coach Ethan's soccer team and prior to each game we as coaches will chat about the details of how we expect the game to run.  If the other team that we are playing does throw-ins, how they are subbing their players, what goals count etc...  For U6, we are starting to introduce the general rules of the game and are starting to enforce them.  At this age, for safety, we have a keeper's circle, a line which we do not allow our kids to pass to try and score.  To enforce this we generally do not allow goals to count if they are scored past this point - we blow a whistle to try and keep the kids back and explain to them what is expected.  Unfortunately we have a number of new coaches this year and not every team is being taught this element of the game. 

Last night I had a bit of an oops on the field.  We had spoken with the other coaches prior to the game and they had said they were playing with the keeper's circle.  So the kids get out there and start playing.  One of their players gets the ball and rushes down towards our goal.  He was being chased by a few of our players and a number of his own teammates.  He gets into our goal area and instead of shooting prior to the circle, he rushes into towards our keeper and scores.  I blew the whistle to stop the play, just before the ball went in the net.  I knew the kid that scored and knew he was a pretty good player.  My team were all looking at me upset that the ball went into the net and that this kid was saying it was a goal.  They were protesting that he was in the keeper's circle and that it should not be a goal.  Having spoken with the coaches prior, I thought we all agreed to the rules, I told my kids that yes it did not count.  I also took a moment and explained to the kid who "scored" why it did not count. 

At the time I thought I was being fair to my team and abiding by the rules.  Later I spoke with the other coach and she expressed that the rules had really fluctuated with each team this year and that they did not always abide by the keepers circle rule.  She then said that had it been a kid who never scored or rarely scored that it would have been heart-breaking for them to be told that goal did not count.  I reflected on her comments and feel she has a point. I quite honestly feel bad about it.  But on the same token, my team is learning the rules and what is expected and the keeper was upset that she had been scored upon unfairly.  Fortunately this kid went on to score another six goals during the game so this was not the case, but the coaches comments made me feel bad and to take a moment of pause.

I guess this is where I feel insecure.  I always want to do the best for my team, for the kids to have fun and for them to love the sport.  I also want them to learn teamwork, the rules and  fair play.  I strive for this to happen and with any conflict it causes me to second guess myself.