Sleep the five letter word!

Ahhhh... sleep...  These days I am in desperate need of it.  I have a baby who is going through a growth spurt, or teething or something, which means she has been quite fussy through the night.  I have been enjoying the cuddling and time together we have spent, but am very foggy the next day.  To add to the mix I have one son with a stuffy nose which means he does not sleep soundly and the other also going through a growth spurt, which means he wakes in the middle of the night announcing he has to pee or suffering from growing pains.

It is amazing how much of my thoughts these days are focused on sleep.  I catch myself daydreaming about the days end when I will be able to pull the covers up around me and sink into my pillows.  I find if I am stationary too long I am starting to list to the side or forward sinking into a cat nap.  If driving, I am needing to do anything to keep myself focused on what is around me.  My quest for sleep seems to be all consuming.

It is funny but the main source of any tension that will arise in our house involves sleep.  Arguments will start about who is getting more sleep or not enough.  Disagreements usually happen when one or both of us are tired.  We know to give the other more grace when that person is tired and to sidestep (if possible) any major issues until the other has had at least some more sleep. 

Don't get me wrong, Isaac is a full partner in our relationship and does his fair share of getting up with the kids in the middle of the night, of course this does not include the baby yet as she still only nurses, but Isaac has an amazing ability to sleep through sounds or fall back asleep instantly.  This is something I am not capable of - if a mouse were to fart in our house, it would wake me up.  I also have a horrible time of falling back to sleep if I am woken in the morning.  This translates to me not sleeping in very often and that tends to be a source of tension - or really me being frustrated but nothing that can change because of my own inability to block out the world.  In my Utopian world I would be blissfully in a comatose state when the kids would sneak into the room and whisper in Isaac's ear to wake-up.  Then Isaac would slide out of bed and float out of the room making not a sound.  Isaac then would create a sound proof bubble in which he would feed the kids and keep them entertained until I decided to roll out of bed.  Well that sound proof bubble has yet to be invented and our kids are anything but quiet in the morning, so I will continue to get up in the morning with the kids.

I will confess that I am that cranky bear if I have not had enough sleep.  I find myself not smiling as much at people I meet, or all together avoiding people.  I find my patience is limited, I am easily frustrated with the kids.  Internally I feel awful - this is not really me and boy what a bag was being!  I guess I would rather crawl under a rock but instead am being dragged forward by the movement of life.  It is a horrible feeling!

I remember a life time ago when I was a lot younger and pursuing a different vocation, I had taken a course that was physically and mentally intense.  Elements of the course involved functioning on very little sleep for days on end.  During that course about the second week into it, I found myself actually hallucinating due to sleep deprivation.  I saw a huge life sized mouse that was wearing a sombrero and poncho.  The scariest was when the mouse spoke to me, he said, "What are you doing here?  Go back to the south where it is safe?"  It is amazing, but now as a parent I know I am functioning on less sleep but function way better than I did in my early twenties. 

The biggest comfort is knowing that this stage in our lives will pass.  The kids will eventually sleep through the night, midnight wakings will be rare, then teen years will hit then it will be staying up to the middle of the night.  I keep joking with Isaac that when the kids no longer keep us awake or wake us up in the night, our bodies will be failing and we will be up anyways!

Frustrations of a Mom

It is one of those days. I feel the need to try and accomplish chores around the house that have been staring me in the face as I walk by, and haunting me as I escape in pursuit of other fun activities. I can no longer walk away.
Now I feel the push to finish these tasks. I have laundry piles to sort and fold, a trailer to prepare for winter and wash, a car to wash, a house to organize and clean, windows to wash, a garden to tend to, and fall chores to complete. In the midst of this I have kids vying for my attention and a baby needing to be fed every hour and half.
At first I was frustrated, overwhelmed, exhausted. Instead I should be thankful I have these problems and this is the height of my "problems". There are others who have no home or are in jeopardy of losing it due to economic failure. Others who struggle with trying to get their kids attention.
So I should count myself fortunate and tackle the chores as I can. Find the time to balance time with kids, and getting things done.
I do have one question though, where do the Mom's whose houses are perfectly clean and organized find the time? What am I doing wrong?!

Time to train

I have to admit, I was feeling quite pleased with myself for finishing a triathlon recently. I will admit that I did not spend a lot of time on training as I found it hard to do between holidays and kids. I struggle with motivating myself to run at night after the kids are in bed. Often I feel pretty tired from the day and am ready to snuggle down for the night. But having completed that race, I am completely motivated to train to better my time.


I loved the feel of the race. Okay in this last race the water was really cold and for the first 100m or so I struggled with catching my breath and was panting trying to warm up! But I know I can swim the distance. I went to the pool later and was able to complete 750m without too much trouble. I was amazed at how well the bike went. Normally for me it is the worst event, this time it went well. I am thinking it was because I was not pulling a bike trailer full of kids!


I find the transition phase to be an adrenaline rush - get in, dress, grab your bike or dump your bike and off you go! Maybe it is my need for changing stimulus, but I enjoy the different sports married together. The best part about these races are the people. Everyone there is there to better their own time. This creates a really positive, encouraging environment. Everyone is cheering each other on, pushing each other to do their best.


Ethan did the kids triathlon the day before. He was fortunate enough to "compete" with a friend of his, making the experience that much more fun. Watching him run the race was a lot of fun. He chewed me out in the transition area for going too slow with helping him! After the race finished Ethan was excited to do another race and now has found a new love for swimming.


The best part about the kids race was the lack of parent attitude. You know the attitude - "My little Johnny is the best kid out there, yours can not possibly compete!" This attitude was instead replaced with "Great work kids!" "You can do it!" I loved that every parent was encouraging all the kids and not just their own. I loved the feeling in the crowd. I loved that everyone was there to help each other. At the end of the race when each kid crossed the finished line, they received their medal. It was a celebration of completion rather than who won. I really thought it was a great way to introduce the sport to kids in a positive fashion. It also modeled a different idea of teamwork even though it is an individual sport.


Next month Ethan starts hockey for the first time, he has that awkward birthday month - February. I hope that the experience for him will be positive. I hope that there will be minimal parent drama attached. Wouldn't it be great if at each practice and game all the parents stood on the side lines cheering on each kid, encouraging those who have trouble and supporting the idea of true teamwork? We will see how it turns out - I may be pleasantly surprised.


For us as a family we want each of our kids to learn the love of sport - both individual and team sports. We want them to live a healthy active lifestyle. We want them to learn how to work in a team environment and learn to work with different kinds of people. My hope with all of this is that most of these experiences are positive and the ones that are not, they have the strength to manage the situation.

Summer Strawberries

So I bit the bullet yesterday, I took the kids strawberry picking.  I have been wanting to go for a few summers now, but we have been away during the season or life just got in the way.  This year I was determined to go.  I was worried about how well Nolan would do.  I had visions of him running through the patch squashing all in his path, I was sure we would be asked to leave.  Thankfully it was not that way at all.  The boys were extremely helpful and had a lot of fun.  We ended up with two pails full of strawberries - yummy!  The best part was the boys were not fighting and were working together.  I really got to enjoy them as they explored the strawberry patch searching for ripe fruit.

When we returned home, Ethan continued to be a big help.  We washed the strawberries together then made strawberry jam with one pail.  I did not fair so well during the jam making process.  Or I should say my house did not fair so well...

Whoever decided it was a good idea to make flat top stoves and sell them to families were wrong!  Okay so really it is our own fault for buying one...

I am not sure if anyone else out there who has or has had kids in the house finds this, but I am finding I am a rather distracted cook.  I will be in the middle of making something and a kid will want or need something right at that moment and it pulls me away from what I am doing, I then forget where I am at and things burn or end up ruined or spill over.  Which brings me back to my stove and making jam.  I tried to set myself up for success, Sage was just fed and settled in the swing, Nolan was doing a craft that needs no Mommy support on the back deck, and Ethan was "helping".  I thought I could make jam from start to finish in the time that I had, I even bought the liquid pectin to speed the process up...

My first mistake was making a double recipe in a pot that was too small - I forgot that the mixture froths when it boils.  My second mistake was using a cast iron ceramic lined pot to cook the mixture in...  I put the mixture in, set it on the stove and set the temperature so it would boil.  Now my husband often teases me that I set everything to max and that things will eventually boil if set on a lower setting - however, I need things to boil this millennium, does he not understand that the kids have a finite attention span and waiting for it to boil on a low setting is too long!  Sure enough as things normally go, all heck breaks loose and chaos erupts.  I am trying to diffuse a fight, tantrum and settle a fussy baby and sure enough the mixture decides to boil... boil over...  Turn the stove to Off, which makes no difference as I used the cast iron pot which retains its heat REALLY well!  Grab the pot, drag it to the sink, sloshing sticky jam mixture everywhere.  Meanwhile the mixture left on the stove is continuing to burn filling our house full of smoke.

You can now picture a 3 year old having a tantrum, a baby crying, jam spread everywhere and our fire alarm going off.  By the way it was not one fire alarm, our entire alarm system was ringing.  Add to that a 5 year old asking why the alarm was going - if it was a fire? etc...  Then of course the phone then started ringing - the alarm company making sure it was just me making jam and not a real fire...  Awesome!

I think I have finally cleaned up the mess I made from yesterday.  The top of the stove looked awful with the burnt on sugar/strawberry mixture.  I spent a good hour or two scrapping off charred goop, trying not to scratch the top of the stove.  All I can say is never again will I buy a flat top stove - what a pain!!!  Or maybe I should listen to my husbands advice and set everything to low heat to eventually boil...

This is my life!  I look back and all I can do is laugh.  The jam turned out fantastic - had some for breakfast this morning.  Every time I eat some of the jam we made, I will think of the experiences we had in making it and it will always bring a smile to my face.

Boys...

So here I am, the boys are up, dressed and fed and why am I avoiding them?   I have left them to their own devices of play while I drink my tea and share my morning using this blog.  Okay, so let's be honest, I am running away from my children before I lose my mind at Nolan.

Nolan is our challenge.  I love him to pieces, he is a bright, intelligent, funny, imaginative kid who really can be a lot of fun.  BUT he can also be a lot of work.  I am at a loss of how to parent him right now.  I need better strategies with how to keep my patience and keep positive.  Any help or suggestions are welcomed - actually this is a cry out for help - please!!

My first challenge with Nolan is to get him to keep his hands to himself.  Fortunately right now the bulk of his punishment is taken out on Ethan or on Isaac or myself, but I am worried this will transfer to other kids.  Nolan and Ethan will be playing or having fun and next thing I know he is pinching, scratching or grabbing Ethan.  Sometimes I know it is out of frustration - he does not have the verbal skills to express what he wants.  Sometimes he is trying to initiate play with Ethan and again does not use the verbal skills to express it.  Other times it is completely random - those I refer to as drive by punishments;  he will run by Ethan, grab or pinch him on the way. 

We have tried the "stop start" method of trying to redirect Nolan to a new game.  Stop pinching, play ...  We have tried giving him the words for what he maybe trying to express - "Ethan do you want to play?"  We have tried time-outs, big hugs, labelling the play as mean play.  The bulk of my frustration is how often we are doing this and how some days it feels like I am always "on" Nolan's case regarding behaviour.

The next challenge we have with Nolan is his destructive play.  Again I think a lot of this comes from his frustration of not being able to accurately express his emotions, but sometimes it seems like it is random or a punishment for his brother.  Nolan will throw things - anything in his path when he is frustrated or angry.  We again have been trying to label his emotions for him to help him be able to verbally express his feelings.  We have also tried the time-outs, the stop start etc...  The throwing when angry or frustrated is manageable, it is more the random destruction that I get frustrated with.  An example is this morning Nolan and Ethan were playing nicely together.  Nolan stopped playing went and did his own thing, then came back to the game and without any rhyme or reason completely attacked the game by kicking pieces all over the place. 

How much of this is boy behaviour, how much of this is due to his own hearing/speech troubles?  I know he is socially immature - but he is only 3, how much of this will disappear as he matures and becomes more verbal?  We as parents are very cognisant of ensuring we give each kid lots of attention.  We kid that Nolan needs one on one parenting, but really he does some days and most of those days we are able to give it to him.  I am not convinced that this is due to lack of attention or activity.  Some days we know it is because he is tired, hungry or bored.  We know he is a physical kid who needs a lot of physical play - we meet those needs as a family. 

I am just at a loss of how to stop the undesirable behaviour, or perhaps in need of some more redirection strategies.  Maybe I just need to hear that others are going through this struggle too and know it will come to an end.

Home for a brief moment

So we made it - all 4400km and several adventures later.  We had a lot of fun as family and got to enjoy the company of good friends and relatives along the way.

During our trip, I was fortunate enough to meet up with family, some that I have not met with in quite some time - let's just say years otherwise we all feel old...  It was such a fun experience.  I met up with my aunt, who really has not changed all that much, and my cousin and her family.  It was so great to meet this family as very quickly it seems that my cousin and I have similar parenting patterns.  It offered a glimpse of what the future potentially could hold.  It was almost like seeing a fortune teller.  The best part about the visit was the reconnection of family.  I am looking forward to future visits. 

I have an update about my quest to ban corn from our house.  When I wrote about corn and how much it was in our food, we were traveling in the United States.  It was incredible how much they use corn syrup to sweeten their food.  Anyways, when we returned to Canada, we noticed that it was not in food near as much as it is in the US.  I still am reading labels of everything as I am finding it hidden in a number of different foods, generally in the form of starch.  An example is peanut butter or yogurt - crazy I know - things I would not have thought would contain corn.  Oh well, a little longer at the grocery store for the sake of better sleep and a happier baby is worth it!  Not to mention the health benefits for the family.

So we are home enjoying the summer routine (?) of home.  We are home though only for a short time, soon I take off with the kids back to see family in Ontario.  I am nervous about the flight and a bit about the trip.  I worry that Nolan will be tricky to handle that day/time at home.  I worry that it will be exhausting for me with managing the kids.

It is funny, I thrive on being busy, I can live on a few hours of sleep and still perform well at my job.  My job demands that I am capable of making critical decisions in a short period of time and to make the correct decision regardless of how tired I may be.  But I feel like I fail when it comes to my own children or home life!  I struggle with keeping it together when I am tired or overwhelmed.  I feel like I am forgetting a ton of things every day and letting people down.  Some days I feel like I can take on the world - the kids and I have a great day, everything (almost everything) goes smoothly, nutritious home cooked meals are served, the house is clean and laundry mountain is a molehill.  Other days I struggle and I feel the kids are struggling too, they are fighting with each other - which in turn drives me around the bend and I feel like I am referring a WWF wrestling match.  On those days NOTHING gets done, and meals....well they are nutritious but not ideal.  I despise those days, I feel worn out and cranky when I go to bed on those days.  I am forever trying to avoid those days and yet I know they are a natural part of life.  May be this is why I feel like I would never make a good full-time stay at home mom.

Right now I am finding Nolan to be a big challenge.  He is such a strong, spirited, funny and bright kid, but boy oh boy can he drive you crazy.  It especially urks me when he plays "dumb" for attention or because he feels he can manipulate the situation to better suit his needs.  Perhaps this bugs me the most as I am still sensitive about how his development is perceived, as I know this kid is anything but.  A funny example of Nolan playing "dumb" was when we were at Whistler.  The boys wanted to go on the go-cart ride, so we paid and each chose their vehicle.  The girl operating the ride was a young, tall, Australian who was quite pretty.  Anyways, she explained to the boys how to operate the go-cart, pull the lever for gas and steer.  Well there was Nolan, pretending that he did not understand and he would not squeeze the lever.   The girl then sat on the back and held Nolan's hand showing him how to operate the vehicle.  Well Nolan turns and looks at me with this mischeivous glint and puts his hand down to his side.  Sure enough the girl then drove Nolan around the track for the allotted time.  At the end of the ride, the girl hopped off to help the other kids and Nolan quickly grabbed the wheel to try to get it to go.  Such a turkey!

Diet changes

Since having to watch what I am eating because Sage is sensitive to corn and has been reacting, it has been a real eye opener for me. I used to think I was pretty savvy about what we ate as a family and tended to lean towards the more nutritious side of things. I am now seeing how bad the junk food or treats really are - thankfully we ate very few of them or sparingly but now I want to cut them out completely and find better alternatives.

I am starting a challenge for our family - no corn products. I will not cut out this grain fully, I will only allow it in the whole form and mixed with a balanced meal. So an example would be cereal, or corn on the cob as a side dish.

Why am I doing this you may ask. It is never a great idea to ban completely on food.

Well it has been proven that corn, although abundant, in third world countries when fed exclusively to a village, malnutrition still occurred. Corn has some nutritional value but is not complete.

My biggest concern is the use of corn to replace sugar. The corn syrup used as a sweetener rather than sugar is one of the main reasons for obesity and rise in diabetes. Corn syrup does not allow the body to realize it is full and then we eat and eat and eat.

It is incredible what contains corn syrup! All pop, chips, candy - yeah I know garbage food to begin with, but then you look at some breads, crackers, soups and you will be surprised.

So when we return from our holidays there will be a complete ban on any food the contains corn syrup or corn fillers.